Underground Man

The new math on campus

Oh go fuck yourselves. According to this article, upon finishing high school more men have to work, fight wars, go to prison or insane asylums, or do something of actual value to society at an engineering school, leaving women in the majority at college, where they have to…put out at school…or else they find they can’t put out…what is the complaint again? “Wah, wah. I don’t have a boyfriend.” I suppose that some day women will make up a majority of corporate executives, and we’ll have to hear about their dating problems, too.

Let’s go through the article and remark upon some of the more infuriating statements.

Jayne Dallas, a senior studying advertising who was seated across the table, grumbled that the population of male undergraduates was even smaller when you looked at it as a dating pool. “Out of that 40 percent, there are maybe 20 percent that we would consider, and out of those 20, 10 have girlfriends, so all the girls are fighting over that other 10 percent,” she said.

Fuck you, Jane. I wish they had printed your picture and your application essay.

But at some schools, efforts to balance the numbers have been met with complaints that less-qualified men are being admitted over more-qualified women.

Seriously? Are you serious? As usual, the Times’ editor-in-charge-of-irony is asleep at the job. Let’s play with this sentence thus: “Efforts to balance the numbers have been met with complaints that less-qualified [blacks] are being admitted over more-qualified [whites].” Remember also that when the Times invokes the passive voice (”have been met with complaints”) they’re talking about themselves. Apparently affirmative action is a moral imperative when it helps the right people, but an unconscionable blow to fairness when white men are involved. Fuck you guys.

“A lot of my friends will meet someone and go home for the night and just hope for the best the next morning,” Ms. Lynch said. “They’ll text them and say: ‘I had a great time. Want to hang out next week?’ And they don’t respond.”

Your “friends”, eh? I get it. Ms. Lynch, your “friends” are whores. What do you want me to do about it?

Even worse, “Girls feel pressured to do more than they’re comfortable with, to lock it down,” Ms. Lynch said.

Ms. Lynch, your “friends” are children who apparently can’t make decisions for themselves in the face of “pressure.” Tell them to grow up.

“Women do not want to get left out in the cold, so they are competing for men on men’s terms,” [Kathleen Bogle, a woman and a sociologist] wrote. “This results in more casual hook-up encounters that do not end up leading to more serious romantic relationships. Since college women say they generally want ‘something more’ than just a casual hook-up, women end up losing out.”

Bogle seems to be assuming many things here that I do not take for granted, but we’ll move on for now.

Women on gender-imbalanced campuses are paying a social price for success and, to a degree, are being victimized by men precisely because they have outperformed them, Professor Campbell said.

I see: women are being “victimized” by men while at the same time complaining that there are too few of them to go around.

“If a guy is not getting what he wants, he can quickly and abruptly go to the next one, because there are so many of us,” said Katie Deray, a senior at the University of Georgia, who said that it is common to see six provocatively clad women hovering around one or two guys at a party or a bar.

This establishes what, exactly? That if groups of “women” dress and act like sluts they’ll be treated that way? That sounds like a pretty good lesson, actually.

At colleges in big cities, women do have more options. “By my sophomore year, I just had the feeling that there is nobody in this school that I could date,” said Ashley Crisostomo, a senior at Fordham University in New York, which is 55 percent female. She has tended to date older professionals in the city.

I’m also amused by the Times’ insistence on the word “women” (outside of direct quotations), despite the description’s generally unwarranted connotation of maturity or adulthood. The diction employed does not afford “guys” this measure of dignity, deserved or not.

But in a classic college town, the social life is usually limited to fraternity parties, local bars or coffeehouses. And college men — not usually known for their debonair ways — can be particularly unmannerly when the numbers are in their favor.

“A lot of guys know that they can go out and put minimal effort into their appearance and not treat girls to drinks or flatter them, and girls will still flirt with them,” said Felicite Fallon, a senior at Florida State University, which is 56 percent female.

What’s with this gratuitous jab: “college men — not usually known for their debonair ways…” Is this in contrast with the Audrey Hepburns that comprise the sorority rolls? Give me a break. Also please excuse me while I weep over Ms. Fallon’s indignity—talking to a man who hasn’t seen fit to bestow booze or flattery on her.

Girls, shut the fuck up and hit the books. Stop dressing like prostitutes and stop doing whatever your vaginas tell you to from moment to moment. If some of you can’t get a date in college, all the better. Maybe you’ll actually learn something at school (though given what they “teach” there I wouldn’t count on it) that will interest a genuine adult you meet after you graduate. Guys, find the girls quoted in this article and take them for whatever they’re worth. Oh and don’t be like this pussy:

Indeed, there are a fair number of Mr. Lonelyhearts on campus. “Even though there’s this huge imbalance between the sexes, it still doesn’t change the fact of guys sitting around, bemoaning their single status,” said Patrick Hooper, a Georgia senior. “It’s the same as high school, but the women are even more enchanting and beautiful.”

Any wonder he’s not getting any?